Yeah… But I Only Drink a Little…

I remember having a conversation with my Mom during my “party” phase. Somehow, (maybe because of her superpower MomSense), she knew I was drinking and seemed concerned that it was/would get out of hand. I was a little shocked that she knew, but I completely downplayed it, “Oh Mom, yeah I drink, but I only drink a little.” Looking back, I am thankful she approached me to have this conversation, rather than ignore it. At the time I thought, “Geez woman. You’re crampin’ my style!” Okay, I didn’t really think that because that sounds like we were living in the early 90′s and this was 2004.

2004…That is the year my life drastically changed. Do you ever look back to certain landmark events in your life and can see how those pivotal moments changed everything?

This was me in 2004. I was a junior in college, and seemingly happy with my social life. I even had a boyfriend. He was the only guy prior to Josh that I’d say was a real boyfriend. Everything else was just a two-week crush with the kids at camp or school. His name was Johnny. Not really, but that’s what I’m going to call him. Johnny and I first met at Circuit City. He was a customer in the store one day and we just started talking. I invited him to go out with me and my friends that night… and he showed up! I was so excited. We started hanging out. Then we dated. It was during this relationship that I began to realize I had a drinking problem.

There were multiple evenings we would hang out and I would drink so much I wouldn’t remember what happened the night before. Johnny started to get irritated with my behavior and rightly so. He made a few comments that our relationship would not last if I continued to drink as much as I did. I must not have believed him, because I continued to call his bluff. Then, on St. Patrick’s Day in 2004 it was the last straw for him. I think he broke up with me, but I don’t remember because of how much I had to drink that night. After that evening, he never returned my calls. I saw him once a few months later across the bar. He nodded at me, but made no effort to connect. I was devastated and realized I had pushed someone away that I cared about because my love for this substance was greater.

This experience, along with a few others that I will share with you, is what changed my life.

(To read the back story for this post, click here to catch up.)