So… when are you guys going to have kids?
That is a question Josh and I are hearing a lot lately. And, rightly so. (I guess??) In September we’ll be celebrating our 7th wedding anniversary and we are now in our early 30′s. So it’s time, right? It is amusing how many people assume we don’t have children because we don’t want them yet, or because we haven’t tried. When I was single, I was cornered by others with an equally unpleasant question, “Why are you still single? I mean, you’re pretty, you’re outgoing. Someone should have snatched you up by now. There’s nothing wrong with you… is there? I don’t get it.” Gee thanks.
So, why haven’t we had children yet? I don’t know. When will we have children? I don’t know that either. We have tried, and we’ve also had some preliminary tests done – all which came back normal. Perhaps we just haven’t timed it right… but then again… Sometimes we’re not sure if we even want to have kids. This response seems to be met with looks of horror from our West-Michigander friends and family. *GASP* How can you not want children??
To be honest, I kind of like my freedom right now. If Josh or I don’t feel like preparing food and want to go out for a late night dinner on the fly, we can do it. If Josh wants to ride his bike three nights a week and then on the weekends, he can do it. In fact, I LOVE when he rides! It allows me time to do the things I want to do too. But, I think one of my larger fears of having children is the perceived lack of intimacy that young parents so often speak of. We have friends who have kept the intimacy between them alive and the presence of children has not dampened their sex lives… but we also have a lot of friends who say once they had kids, their hot and steamy nights dissipated.
Here’s why I’m scared.
Our sex life is not that hot and steamy now… before kids… so is it going to become non-existent when we have little Josh’s and little Alana’s to feed, diapers to change, and bedtime stories to read? This is a rhetorical question. I’m not really looking for assurance from young parents that it will still be great, or advice from older parents “Well, now, you just have to work at it.” I get that. Probably more than you realize.
You see, Josh and I had a different kind of beginning to our marriage than most. Things weren’t easy for us when we started out and we’ve had to “work at it” our entire marriage. I feel we are still learning to navigate what it means to be married and to have sex, and for sex to be good, healthy and exhilarating.
So, to answer your question – I don’t know when we are going to have kids. Josh and I have quite the record for doing things paradoxically. Check back on Thursday and I’ll tell you more.