Archives For facing fears

What’s Your Number?

Alana —  September 13, 2013 — 2 Comments

OOPS!

This is embarrassing. I had a post in the works and it was auto-published this morning! If you are an e-mail subscriber, I apologize for the false alert. New content coming soon. :)

Alana

 

2012: The Best Year of My Life

Alana —  January 3, 2013 — 10 Comments

It’s the New Year and a lot of people will be taking the next few weeks to set their New Year’s resolutions. I used to think this was stupid, because people (myself included) start out the year with high hopes and dreams of the weight we are going to lose, the debt we’ll pay off, the great new job we’ll get, then… by Feb 1st, it all comes to a halt and we go back to our normal way of life because, let’s face it, it’s just easier that way.

In 2012, I tried something new. In lieu of setting specific goals, I set a theme for my entire year. 2012 became the year of Facing My Fears. I really didn’t know what to expect, except that if I stayed true to my theme, there may be some moments in the course of the following 12 months where I may poop my pants from the rush of adrenaline.

2012 was the best year of my life. And here’s why:  Continue Reading…

Who Do You Think You Are?

Alana —  October 4, 2012 — 6 Comments

The other day I spent some quality time with a couple of my girlfriends. One of them shared an idea for a project she is pondering. It is a fantastic idea but she is afraid to move forward until she has conquered the issue herself. She didn’t feel worthy or accomplished enough to consider herself an expert or leader on the subject. In response, I jumped down her throat and passionately told her why she should do it anyway, even if she is in the middle of the process herself. Ready or not, others needed to hear her message.

Not much later in the conversation, I got it. It clicked and I knew exactly how she felt; Continue Reading…

Your Story: Halsey Preston

Alana —  October 2, 2012 — 6 Comments

Note from Alana: Halsey is a dear friend, my younger sister… and a great story teller.

Chicken Fear
shared by Halsey Preston

This past summer I was in between jobs and needed to make money fast to pay the bills. Several opportunities came up to house sit for various friends. Usually I’m asked to take care of dogs and water plants, but this summer there was an addition… Continue Reading…

Your Story: Gary & Laurie Pokorny

Alana —  September 11, 2012 — 7 Comments

Note from Alana: Laurie and I were coworkers prior to their big move. I remember hearing of their dream to pick up and start over in a new place. At the time, a small part of me thought, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” I am so inspired by their courage and faith, I wanted to share it with you!

We Sold Everything for the Dream
shared by Gary and Laurie Pokorny

The American Dream. How is it defined? Webster’s definition: an American social ideal that stresses egalitarianism and especially material prosperity; also: the prosperity or life that is the realization of this ideal. Some say it’s the ideals of freedom, equality, and opportunity traditionally held to be available to every American; a life of personal happiness and material comfort as traditionally sought by individuals in the United States. Well for us, the American Dream was pursuing a passion or calling that was haunting us for 10 years. It was going against the traditional path. It was taking a risk and a huge leap of faith. Continue Reading…

Running at My Fear (pt. 2)

Alana —  May 1, 2012 — 6 Comments

Well, I’m quickly realizing it was no coincidence that I chose 2012 to be The Year of Facing my Fears. This has been a very real struggle for me and I am finally realizing many of the things I have missed out on because of my refusal to face these fears.

In Chapter 6 of the book If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat the author John Ortberg shares the six things we lose out on if we do not face our fears. Among these are: Loss of Self-Esteem, Loss of Destiny, Loss of Joy, Loss of Authentic Intimacy, and Loss of Availability to God.

In the past four years I have watched my Self-Esteem TANK. Despite the encouragement I receive from others on how wonderful I am (and I truly am wonderful ;)) it does not seem to penetrate. Ortberg addresses this exact issue. Below are excerpts from chapter 6:

“Why are there so many people lacking self-esteem who have many reasons to have high self-esteem? They accomplish many things – they are gifted, attractive and well-liked – yet struggle with self-esteem. Even people who have accomplished a great deal and are apparently successful are often prone to feelings of self-doubt and inadequacy. Not only that, the many people who receive much affirmation and admiration from significant others tend to disbelieve it and wrestle with self-esteem all the same.

All research suggests that self-esteem largely boils down to one issue. When you face a difficult situation, do you approach it, take action, and face it head on, or do you avoid it, wimp out, and run and hide?

If you take action, you get a surge of delight, even if things do not turn out perfectly. I did a hard thing, I took on a challenge. You grow. When you avoid facing up to a threatening situation, even if things end up turning out all right, inside you say, But the truth is, I wimped out. I didn’t do the hard thing. I took the easy way out.

Avoidance kills an inner sense of confidence and esteem…
But there is something about embracing a challenge that is very important for inner well-being… When you are in a situation that creates fear, but you face it head-on, you will feel a rush of satisfaction in knowing you displayed courage.

Why don’t you conduct your own experiment of trust this week?
Sometime when you are tempted to avoid, hold your ground and press forward instead: Stand up to a bully who is mistreating others (or you) at work. Wade feet first into a task that you have been putting off because you have feared it would be difficult or unpleasant. Express your true opinion when you are talking to a person you would normally try to placate or impress.

When you do this, you will get a little stronger inside. But when you wimp out by refusing to take the difficult step or saying the hard word – you die a little inside. And if that becomes a pattern, over time you come to see yourself as someone who cannot cope with life’s greatest challenges. Where there ought to be an inner core of strength and resolve, you will experience fear and anxiety instead. You will learn to live in fear and avoidance.”

Ouch! This is absolutely what was happened to me over the past four years. Because I have chosen to run, hide and avoid certain fears, it has slowly eaten away at my confidence. I mentioned last week in Running at My Fear that I have a relationship that I have been avoiding because I’ve been too scared to face it. Well, this week I will be facing this fear. What you can’t see, is that I’m about to crap my pants right now. Ha! BUT, I’m SO TIRED of what I’ve missed out on because of it. I am no longer willing to give my confidence and energy away to this.

I know I keep harping on this “fear” topic, but I know I’m not the only one missing out by… avoiding. You already know what you have been running from. If you don’t, ask yourself right now, “What one thing am I avoiding because of fear?” The answer will come to you; if not today, it will soon. When it does, what will you do?

Running at My Fear

Alana —  April 27, 2012 — 10 Comments

Conflict.
Most people would rather avoid conflict than face it; Annnnnd there is a select few who enjoy it and seek it out. Not me. :) I have a relationship that is causing a lot of conflict. I’m pretty sure neither of us are happy right now. I have been trying to deal with the issue by… avoiding it. Awesome, I know. Last night while hanging out with a couple girlfriends, they called me out on how I am showing up in this relationship. One of them lovingly warned, “There is some type of lesson that you need to learn here. Whether it is learning to stand up for yourself or just learning how to deal with conflict in general… If you don’t deal with it now, it will come back ten-fold the next time around.” YIKES! And she is so right. I’ve had similar conflicts in the past. I have run away from most of them. Each time they reared their nasty head, they were far worse!

I spent last night and this morning trying to explain away why I do not need to resolve it; And then I had a few revelations…

What fear are you running away from?
Imagine what freedom and movement you would experience in your life if you chose to run at that fear! Is the freedom worth losing out on?

Other related posts:
2012: The Year of Facing My Fears
Freeing Myself From Captivity
Beware. Crazymakers Ahead.

Recommended Read:
If You Want to Walk on Water, You’ve Got to Get Out of the Boat by author John Ortberg.

UPDATE:
8/4/12

I ended up having a conversation with the person later that week or the following week. Since then, it has not been tumultuous! There has been a calm and a common respect between us. We are not friends, but it is definitely no longer excruciatingly uncomfortable to be in each other’s presence. As a side note, prior to “the conversation” I was having multiple dreams about this person, for weeks on end. As soon as we had the conversation – wah-lah! The dreams stopped! Crazy how that works.

Freeing Myself From Captivity

Alana —  February 26, 2012 — 8 Comments

I have been living my life as a captive. I have done what those around me want me to do or expect of me for fear they will reject me if I choose to make my own decisions.

In high school, I changed my clothing to match the popular girl because I thought it would have the same magical affect on my own life. I chose my profession based only on recommendations my mom gave me. I used to have a huge collection of DVDs – half of which I didn’t like. I only purchased them so my house guests would think I was cool. In college, I went into thousands of dollars of debt, specifically because I wanted to have the best party house. I gave parts of me to various men with the naive hope they would reciprocate with their love and protection.

My life has been full of desperate attempts to get others to like me or to accept me into their inner circle. As a result, I have learned to manipulate my behavior to entice those around me. Last week I met with my Naturopath. During the course of our conversation, he asked how much of what I do is externally motivated. In the moment, the only area that came to mind was that of my health. I want to be physically fit and healthy for my husband, not for me. After the appointment, I continued to chew on this question. I was quickly sickened to realize that pretty much everything I do and have done has been based on external motivation! It has been done with the hope that “If I do this action, then my family will love me more. They will finally be proud of me.” “If I do what this guy wants me to do, then he won’t leave me.” “If I am there for this friend, then she will be there for me when I need it.” How gross! How twisted!

This mentality has held me captive from being the person that is the real me. It is terrifying to be 31 years old and sit here wondering, “Who is the real Alana?” I don’t even know.

My theme for 2012 is The Year of Facing My Fears. I know part of this will involve learning to be who I was created to be. I admit, I am a little excited, but mostly I am scared to crap.

BUT. I know I have to do this.

I know I can only be fully free if I allow the real me to be free.

It’s January 3, 2012 and we have just celebrated the New Year. Many people at this time of year set new goals and resolutions for what they would like their next year to bring. I’ve tried this myself a few times in the past, but the goals become forgotten. They do not last. This year I have come up with a theme.

2012: The Year of Facing (my) Fears

People mentioned in this video:
Justin Lukasavige at coachradio.tv
Josh and Sarah Gordon at thenonconformistfamily.com

What is your theme for 2012?