Life is equal parts brutal and beautiful. And/Both. Life is brutiful. Sharing life’s brutiful is what makes us feel less alone and afraid. – Glennon Doyle Melton
Today marks two full weeks since Josh’s cycling accident. The past two weeks have been brutal. But they have also been beautiful. Here’s why.
The day of Josh’s accident I prayed for his safety – that he would come away from his race that evening without a scratch. When I got word of his accident, I was pissed. I felt betrayed that God would allow the very opposite of what I had prayed for to happen. But then I remembered a different prayer I had prayed that day – and every day for 30 days prior.
I’ve been praying since the end of March that Josh and I would have a strong connection between the two of us. A strong physical, emotional and spiritual connection. Over the past 6 – 9 months we seemed to drift apart. Honestly, I think a lot of it was because of me. I had crammed my schedule so tight it left almost zero time for Josh. If we hung out at all, it was for about 30 minutes at the end of the evening to watch a tv show. I would be exhausted and head up to bed with minimal conversation. One evening Josh commented to me, “I feel like I’m getting the left-overs of you.” OUCH. I knew he was right. That’s probably why it stung so much. I was giving all my energy and attention to things outside of our marriage. The results of this were beginning to show – a slow, gradual disconnectedness between us. After he said this, I started to make small changes in the way I interacted and tried to be more present in our conversations.
When my life is ideal, I have a strong connection with Josh physically, emotionally and spiritually.
At the end of March I took an evening away to unwind and spend some quiet time writing down what is most important to me in life right now. This is when my prayer formed. I realized no matter how great life could be – if I loved my job, made tons o’ money, had lots of people reading my blog and loving every. single. word. I wrote … jk. But really, I realized no matter how great things could be, it would not be truly great or truly enjoyable unless I could share these things with Josh. No matter how great life was “out there” it would suck “in here” if Josh and I were not unified.
So, on March 31 I began to pray each day that we would have a strong connection – physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Josh’s accident put the brakes on life. We were both running at a pretty fast pace with many activities. Suddenly Josh needed my assistance for everything. At least the first couple days he could not drink without my help. He needed my assistance to dress, bathe, get comfortable, etc. Overnight, we were thrown into intimacy. Hmmm…
Okay God, when I prayed for a strong physical connection, I was referring to a strong sexual connection, but whatevs. I guess caring for Josh’s bloody wounds works too.
These past two weeks have forced Josh and I into a small, intimate space. As much as it has frustrated us both that his wounds needed to be re-bandaged each night, this allowed time for just the two of us. No distractions. Last week we sat on the deck together on a sunny Sunday afternoon. I remember thinking, Wow! I don’t know if we did this even one time last summer! I love this.
And he’s been making me laugh… a lot. At Josh’s first appointment with the surgeon, we’d forgotten to make sure he ate before taking his pain medication [a big no-no. I know]. This of course made him loopy. At one point the lights in the room were too bright for him, so he asked for his sunglasses. As soon as he placed them over his eyes, Josh exclaimed “Hey look! I’m Ray Charles!” I totally cracked up. I am really enjoying this goofy Josh that is emerging.
Connection. Same experience. Different Perspective.
This cycling accident was not in our plans for the summer. There are many ways that it is a pretty crappy deal – Josh is uncomfortable every day, he is missing out on various anticipated cycling events, and it has caused us to snap at each other more than just a few times. But… it has also brought us closer. I personally have experienced more intimacy and connection with Josh these past two weeks than I have felt in the past year. Each day Josh recovers more and is able to do more on his own again. I am thrilled! But, I don’t want to forget this time we had together. To be frustrated. To change bandages. To laugh. To be connected.